Our dear Roger passed away and it's to painful at this time to write about it. I'm posting his obituary and the written form of his eulogy. At some point I will update this posting and fill you all in with the craziness that took place after his unexpected death.
G
GRINDSTAFF, ROGER DEAN, 75, of Providence, passed away last Wednesday.
Born in Yakima, WA, he was the longtime partner of the late Paul Banspach and son of the late Harold and Myrtle (Covert) Grindstaff. He lived in California for 20 years before relocating to Providence 30 years ago, where he lived until his death.
Mr. Grindstaff was an executive in the transportation industry before breeding pugs as show dogs. He had many beloved pugs, but his last was Trudy. She died a day after he did and will be at rest with him.
Mr. Grindstaff served honorably in the US Marine Corps during the Korean War.
He was a dedicated volunteer at several organizations and an activist working for human rights while providing direct services for families in need.
He is survived by a brother, William Grindstaff of Washington, and a sister, Beverly Parkinson of Oregon. He was the brother of the late Audrey Bird. His extended family included Marsha Hummel, Garith Fulham and families.
Visiting Hours will be held THURSDAY 5-7 PM at the A. TARRO & SONS Funeral Home, 425 Broadway, Providence. Burial with military honors will be in the RI Veterans Memorial Cemetery, Exeter, Friday at 9 AM. In lieu of flowers, donations in his memory may be made to AIDS Care Ocean State, 18 Parkis Ave., Providence, RI 02907.
Roger D. Grindstaff Eulogy
December 10, 2009
I think the best way for me to eulogize our dear and brilliant Roger is to just say things that you may not know about him.
Roger was born on a large working farm in Washington State where he learned to do everything that it takes to survive without much money. He mostly did things on the farm that I personally think are gross like kill a pig, kill a chicken milk a cow , kill a cow, make his own marmalade and jellies and pickle the hell out of everything …cucumbers, watermelon, peppers, okra and corn. I’m sure you get the idea.. By the way he made some of the best pickled stuff you ever had. He loved to freak me out with his gross stories from the farm. This also were Roger learned to play the piano and guitar in which he mastered. He was very talented.
As a young man he went into the Marines and served during the Korean War. During that time he fell in love with Asian culture. Later in life he worked the culture into his life through cooking, doing Tia chi, learning Buddhism and teaching himself Mandarin Chinese.
When Roger returned to the US he was discharged in San Francisco. This was a time when being gay even there was an issue. He told me many stories of those times. Many are not appropriate for this occasion but make me smile.
Roger had many adventures and relationships through the years and he never forgot them but instead he learned from those times and respected the life he received from them. He viewed life as a student and never thought he was too old to learn. He had several careers ranging from owning a bus company to running a ministry.
Eventually Roger met Paul and their adventures could be a book. In their life together they loved there Pugs and traveling. They bread and showed award winning pugs throughout the country. Paul was from RI and that’s how they came to relocate here.
Roger always reflected on those years and acknowledged that the homophobia they faced throughout scarred him but also made him stronger and I believe even wiser.
After Paul passed away it was Roger and the pugs… Pumpkin & Reno. He picked up the pieces and created a new family. Friends like Marsha and her children helped him move on. He was always learning and moving forward.
This is when Roger made the decision to volunteer and help the community. He approached me and told me that Pumpkin and Reno were driving him nuts and he needed to get out of the house! Yes, Pumpkin and Reno were driving him nuts but it was because they were the most spoiled dogs in the world. He literally cooked them meals! They never knew what dog food was. Anyhow, I said sure and before I knew it he was working forty hours a week and running our food pantry.
I remember feeling bad for him (which I never would tell him.) In my head he needed me! As we grew into friends and we had many adventures…most of them I’m proud of, others I can’t share so not to make all of you into accessory.
Roger got to know all of my family and friends and before I knew it. He was family! Our relationship was complex to say the least. I would bounce everything off of him and for the first time in my adult life I had a father figure. He would debate with me on things he disagreed with, and when I went out and screwed up anyway. He was there to pick me up and pat me on the back and ask me if I had learned a lesson from the situation. I always thought yes, but Roger was wise enough to ask did you learn the right lesson?
Through the years many things changed one of them was that Reno and Pumpkin died. He was really feeling alone then. So nine Christmas’s ago I gave him Trudy (a cute, sweet, little pug). Of course he spoiled the hell out of her. Making her meals and treating her like a human. She was his life in the last couple of years. She died the day after him. She is in here with him so he is not alone.
I took for granted the things he did all the time and I did not realize when he was secretly helping me. It was not Roger that needed me but I who needed him.
Roger, I learned a great lesson! You never know who will be an angel in your life. Thank you my dear friend and teacher. I love you!
